Unearth Your ‘Grey Rock’

As an outgoing, upbeat and bubbly woman, it’s hard to go against my personality type. Naturally (like most humans), my default mode with any person is to be kind, empathetic and helpful. That’s great, right?

Well, yes. But not when you are communicating with a high-conflict or narcissistic personality. In fact, everything you naturally want to be — do the exact opposite.

This is the art of being a ‘grey rock’.

A grey rock is the recommended approach when communicating with a narcissist. Actions and words are kept to the bare minimum, emotions are void, and communication is nothing but a skeleton. It sounds cold but it’s not.

It’s muting and removing any room for manipulation, guilt tripping, and control.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s incredibly sad that this maneuver ever has to take place. However, to protect yourself, your heart and even your children, in this instance less is more.

Tapping into your grey rock is always going to seem off-ash at first. It feels weird to be honest — removing the heartiness of who we are in order to throw our narcissist off course. However, it’s our emotions and raw vulnerability that feeds the plate of ego-hungry aggressors.

The first step - communication is EVERYTHING:

1. Choose a form of communication and stick to it. I recommend email for all non-emergency communications as it is in writing, date and time-stamped and you can choose when you look at it. I highly recommend creating a new email account which is for the purpose of non-emergency communications with them. If that is not possible, or they disregard your request to email that account, you can create an email rule so their emails go straight to a separate folder.
2. If you have children together, another great option is a co-parenting app such as My Family Wizard. This manages all your scheduling requirements and records all your communications and they cannot be edited, deleted or retracted.
3. Phone calls should be limited to emergencies or where there is a genuine issue of timing.

Essentially, to be a grey rock, you have to hide the parts of you that are your best - compassionate, curious and caring. You need to be a bit of a robot.

Remember, this is proven technique to help . You will always be compassionate, curious and caring; this doesn’t change.

You’ve got this!