Discarding: Did That Really Just Happen?

Discard means to get rid of someone or something. When a narcissist discards you, it is abusive because they are trying to hurt you. When you discard a narcissist, it is an act of self-love because you are trying to protect yourself from them.

The discard phase, which is the final phase after love bombing and devaluing, is so challenging for survivors.

There is so much I could say about being “discarded” because it can leave a person not only feeling the overwhelming and painful emotions of a breakup, but the brutality of being essentially, “thrown away”.

Please understand that being discarded by a narcissist happens for a number of reasons, but this has absolutely nothing to do with you. In fact, it’s because the narcissist is in direct threat of your value and brilliance.

Any breakup can feel like an emotional earthquake, where the tremors never end. However, a breakup with a narcissist is like surviving an earthquake, only to find the aftershocks reveal the truth behind the person you loved, love. The tragic truth exposes that the person you carved a future with, who you loved like no other, is in fact abusive.

Survivors question everything:

Am I loveable?

Why didn’t I see this happening?

What did I do wrong?

Will I ever heal and recover?

Will I ever love again, and be loved?

How do I feel safe again?

When will the pain stop?

I am so sorry if you’ve ever asked these questions. I am so sorry that you have been discarded with so little thought, compassion and kindness. I wish I could make sense of this, but the ironic truth is, I can’t make total sense of narcissistic behaviour because I am a good person. You’re a good person - and you are everything they can never be.

Please forgive yourself, and understand that discarding a person can happen for these three reasons:

• You no longer fuel their ego, so they've moved on to someone else who can supply what they need.
• You may not be able to help them any further with their life goals, so they've found someone who can.
• You were easily manipulated by them, causing them to look down upon you.

Overtime, your questions may morph into this: “I understand what happened, but why did it happen?

The answer is this: their brains are wired in a way that yours simply is not. You can love and still miss them. I won’t deny you of this grief, but soon, you will remember the sadistic cruelty of this person, and not the days where they lured your love in, strategically and with purpose.

When a narcissist discards you, it will take time to grieve and make sense of it. But overtime, you can and will heal. You’ll rediscover your power, purpose and worth. And then, the world won’t know what’s hit them!