9 Signs That You’re Ready to Leave Your Abusive Relationship

Has your gut been telling you that you can’t continue in a toxic relationship?

Have your family and friends shown concern about your well-being and happiness?

Have you been Googling, “what are the signs of emotional abuse?”

These questions, red flags, indicate that your relationship has turned loveless, toxic, and harmful. With emotional abuse often so hard to spot, it’s not uncommon for a person to question everything, typically about themselves first before the health of any relationship. However, something inside ourselves cannot do it anymore - will not do it anymore. Trust that something inside of you knows this isn’t right, and leaving the relationship feels “easier” than staying in one that repeats abusive and harmful behaviour.

Here are 9 signs that you’re ready to leave your abusive relationship:

You're taking better care of yourself: When we are so focused on trying to save an abusive relationship, we often let go of our own health and well-being, internally and externally. Plus, our self-esteem is at an all-time low! When we turn the focus back on ourselves, we know that our self-love comes before anything else.

That person is absent from your future plans: You can’t see them in your future anymore, and your relationship is no longer something you idolise like you once did. Your future sees you and your happiness, and no more days sitting, waiting for something to change that never will.

You realise that maybe your abuser can help themselves—but they are choosing not to: Being the “fixer” in an abusive relationship is a full-time job. You’ve researched how you can help save this person from their abusive behaviour (the sad irony). The fact is, no matter what you do, they have no desire to change.

You start to prioritise your emotional well-being over protecting your abuser: No longer are you reaching for apologies and silence. You know the harm that they are causing you, and despite utter heartbreak, your emotional health becomes your number one priority.

You stop pretending everything is OK: Victims of abuse often hide, down-play, and minimise the abuse to protect the abuser, and our own guilt for not walking away sooner. Now, you don’t minimise the abuser’s actions, but start to share openly with your trusted network. Admitting the abuse is the first step in understanding and finding the courage to walk away from it.

You spend less time with your abuser: You are eager to spend less time with your abuser, and more time with those who love, support and validate your worth. Making plans freely is a sign of independence and seeking a new life, away from abusers.

You have friends again: If you were once the life and soul of friendship circles, and isolated yourself, through control or otherwise, your friendship circle is growing with strong, independent and emotionally attractive people. Toxic relationships are now a thing of the past.

You do something to catalyse a breakup: Even in the most agonising moments, you are longing for the abuse to end. Often, keeping the peace is the happiest the relationship will ever get. Until, you are too exhausted to keep trying. You trigger the ending through calling the behaviour out for what it is or maybe doing something that forces the end of the relationship.

You realise the drama of the breakup is worth what will come after: The only thing more painful than a breakup, is staying in a toxic relationship. The heartbreak and aftermath will feel like a torrent of emotions. However, there is nothing scarier, lonelier, and more terrifying, than staying in a relationship of domestic abuse. This way, you give yourself back a future of happiness and the kind of love you deserve.

I’m proud of you.

Keep going, keep believing, keep believing.